Coping with Grief During the Holidays: Allowing Space for Sadness and Joy

The holiday season often brings bright lights, joyful music, and the promise of togetherness. But if you’re grieving—whether the loss is recent or feels like it has settled into the background—the holidays can also amplify your pain. The contrast between what you’re expected to feel and what you actually feel can leave you disoriented or isolated. In this context, allowing space for sadness and joy becomes not just a hopeful phrase but an essential mindset.

What Grief Looks Like During the Holidays

Grief doesn’t follow a predictable schedule. The emotional reactions that accompany grief often intensify around traditions, anniversaries, and gatherings—all of which are abundant during the holiday season. 

When you’re grieving, you might experience:

• A deep sense of absence during holiday celebrations

• Unexpected tears triggered by a memory, a song, or a dish

• Guilt when you notice a brief moment of happiness, peace, or laughter

• Fatigue, withdrawal, or difficulty engaging in tradition

• The pressure to “put on a happy face” even when you don’t feel it
  

And that’s okay. The important thing is recognizing that your experience is valid. Life may not look the way it did before, and your holidays don’t have to either.

Academic Insight: Why Holidays Can Trigger Grief

Research explains that holidays often function as emotional amplifiers. The brain combines memory and triggers cues (like music, food, or rituals) with the emotional system, sometimes creating heightened reactions when loss is present. 

There’s also the social dimension: holidays set expectations for happiness, family, and tradition. If you’re grieving, you may feel you don’t fit that script. The contrast between “how things were” and “how things are” can deepen your sense of dislocation. Recognizing this helps you separate what is expected from what you actually need.

How to Honor Both Sadness and Joy

Grief during the holidays doesn’t mean you must choose either sorrow or celebration. It means creating space for both. Here are some strategies to honor your feelings while still opening to moments of peace or joy:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Give yourself permission to feel loss without rushing or suppressing emotions.

2. Create Flexible Traditions: Modify or simplify rituals to match your emotional state.

3. Designate Moments of Remembrance: Light a candle, share a story, or include a photo to honor what’s lost.

4. Allow Joy Without Guilt: It’s okay to laugh or feel happiness alongside grief.

5. Plan for Emotional Waves: Set aside quiet time to rest and process when grief surfaces.

6. Reach Out for Support: Connect with friends, support groups, or a therapist to share your experience.

Personal Reflection

After a loss, the holidays can feel strangely hollow. The decorations are up, the familiar recipes fill the kitchen, yet an emptiness lingers that no amount of planning can fill. It can feel unreal, leaving you disconnected, simply going through the motions without truly being present.

I remember my first holiday season after a deep loss—I felt numb, and everything seemed out of place. That year, I tried something different. I prioritized my time, let others help with hosting, and carved out quiet moments to fully feel whatever emotions arose. The pain didn’t vanish, but neither did the small, unexpected moments of comfort.

I learned that I didn’t have to choose between sorrow and celebration. I could hold both. I didn’t need to be “healed” or “over it” to make space for new memories—I just needed to stay open to whatever each moment offered.

Why This Approach Matters

Choosing to cope with grief during the holidays—by allowing space for sadness and joy—does more than help you survive a tough season. It honors your reality. It respects your emotions. It opens the possibility of connection, memory, and even new meaning, while acknowledging that the loss remains part of you.

When you give yourself this permission, you aren’t denying grief—you’re integrating it. And in that integration, you begin to heal.

If You're Looking for Support

If the holiday season feels too heavy this year—if you find yourself drowning in memories or unable to breathe in the moments that used to feel safe—it may be time to seek help. A mental health professional can offer a space where your loss is held gently, and help you navigate the unique path you’re on.

If you found this helpful, consider sharing it with someone who might be dealing with grief over the holiday season.